One is sovereign self-responsibility, the other is co-dependent addiction.
Firstly, it is nobody’s ‘job’ to make another person feel safe. You either do or you don’t.
It’s very important however to distinguish the driving factors that allow one to feel and experience safety in relationship.
I speak of this topic as a woman relating to men. However it applies universally regarding fear.
All of us are seeking to resolve our early relationship wounds, whether consciously or unconsciously. One of the largest factors at play is FEAR.
Fear exists within us due to our own distressing, overwhelming or scary experiences from our life, in addition to the conditioned and unresolved fear from our family line. So technically your fear is not all yours (oh the joy!).
I see the topic of feeling safe with a man come up time and time again in coaching, polarity, relationship circles and the online space.
The truth is you can only feel truly safe with a man when you have resolved the reasons inside of you that it feels unsafe in the first place.
This means that you need to feel and release all fears and judgements (they derive from fear too) that arise in these types of interactions.
And yep, you guessed it… the vast majority of this stems from your relationship with your father.
It is nobody’s job to make you feel ‘safe’. This is unfortunately why so much war is perpetuated on the planet, to help women avoid their fear and feel safe. Yes, the irony is you can contribute to world peace by feeling and resolving your deepest fears and terrors. No external resources required.
It may seem far fetched but it’s the truth.
Undoubtedly there are some peoples company that you will feel safer and more resourced around. It is likely that these are the people that are more self aware and perhaps on the healing path.
However it’s easy to be lulled into a false sense of security by a man who goes out of his way to make sure you feel safe. This is most likely his own emotional injury playing out which desires a woman not to feel discomfort or fear, and unfortunately often silences his own needs and desires by doing so.
Most of the time we are playing out wounds or co-dependent addictions and calling them love.
It is not a man’s job to make women feel safe. It is a woman’s job to do her work so that she feels safe and resourced in the world, period. The same goes for the opposite pole.
By taking ownership and responsibility for our emotions, dealing with them rather than avoiding them, we break free of our own prison and stop unintentionally burdening others with our problems. We also begin to feel safer, naturally.
Needless to say that I’m a woman and very aware of the atrocities that have been perpetuated against my sisters for millennia. This generational conditioning is one of the reasons that it is so difficult for women to speak up, show up and shine in the world, in the way they choose.
However, the most powerful thing we can do as women is to acknowledge the truth, and also take back our power and responsibility to restore our own emotional health and teach that to the upcoming generations.
Healing ourselves removes the burden from others to give us the thing that they actually cannot do, leaving us in a loop of co-dependency and helplessness.
We are the ones that can resolve these generational wounds for good, and I believe that is an amazing opportunity!
So if you’re wondering – what does this look like on a practical level? It starts with identifying all the fears you have and creating opportunities to work with them somatically (ie body based / feeling based) so that they can leave your system and true safety can find its way in.
It sounds easy in theory, but it’s challenging in practice. Feel your fears?! That’s what most people spend their lifetime avoiding, hence it helps to have someone who is familiar with the space to help you navigate through.
This is the work I do. This is what real freedom feels like.
If you’d like to know how I can support you please get in touch.
Breathe the change you wish to see in the world.
P.S. My new course Breathing Back To You – 4 Weeks to Re-connect with your Soul began 11th July.
If you’d like to dive in you can catch up with the replays. I’d love for you to join us here.