Personal Empowerment

DON’T GO CHANGING….UNLESS YOU WANT TO BE HAPPIER / HEALTHIER / WEALTHIER

Don’t panic, I’m not about to share something novel and groundbreaking with you. I’m not here to bust your paradigm… or am I? 😉 I’m just going to remind you of something you ALREADY KNOW…. but don’t want to admit to yourself or anyone else for that matter.

YOU are responsible for where you’re currently at. Your life, your health, your happiness, your job etc. All of it. Complain all you like, if you like, but its not going to change the laws of the universe. They’re pretty set in stone (or rather energetic and mathematical codes way to complex for my little mind to comprehend….)

What I do know is this

If you want something different in your life – you WILL need to change something. No wishing, hoping, pining for change and doing the complete opposite action. Clear, determined, un-categoric choice for something different – and following it up with action, is what’s required. Putting your money where your mouth is, so to speak.

I realise it might feel far fetched and beyond your grasp. It did for me too, for far too long…. before I realised I was done with my self-sabotage and no matter what – was committed to getting out of my own way and sidestepping my own bullsh*t excuses.

External accountability is great, but if you’re not able to back that up with internal discipline then it’s going to be a fight to the death with your ego – which above else – wants you to stay the same.

Because change – seen through the eyes of your ego – means DEATH. Slow, painful, uncertain outcome type of death – is what it fears beyond anything. This is what is often referred to as ‘resistance’. You know, the typical excuses that arise when you commit to something, but you allow yourself to get sidetracked / sabotaged / distracted etc.

Stepping onto your path

At one point the destination seems pinpoint clear until you take a step or two forward and start to smack into the boulders placed in your way. Your internal mechanisms want to stay the same – but I’m guessing YOU don’t.

You want something different. Perhaps its been that way for a long time. Perhaps it’s a new and novel realisation. Either way, if you want a different outcome you’re going to HAVE to make a change somewhere. Einstein once said – repetition of the same thing expecting a different outcome is the definition of insanity – or something to that effect. And he’s right.

No change = no change.

End of story. Full stop.

There IS light at the end of the tunnel however.

Many of the reasons you’ve not yet succeeded at changing something is highly likely to relate to your belief systems and current identity. What I mean by that is the the current version of you that resides in your head. The picture you hold of yourself in your minds eye. Again it’s most likely that the imaginary version you hold has been largely shaped by your life experience and early childhood environment and is wildly out of touch with the REAL you.

So if you grew up in a household where money was scarce, guess what type of beliefs your subconscious is encoded with?? Yep, scarcity. Lack. Concern about money and how you’re going to pay the bills and put food on the table.

When you decide on an identity (whether consciously or not) your outer reality will reflect it back to you. So within, as without.

Start with you

If you want to change, it’s most effective to start with the problem – YOU. Your inner landscape, beliefs, emotional baggage and crappy view of yourself. It’s possible to plaster over the cracks, but only for so long. Rest assured they WILL re-appear a few years down the line, at which time it will be trickier and more costly to repair.

Some part of you already knows this. Perhaps you can’t put it into words but you can feel it in your bones. The game is up. On the other hand if you’re reading this and you’re exactly where you wish to be in life, congratulations! Keep going!

And if not…don’t go changing…. UNLESS you want to be happier / healthier / wealthier / [insert hearts DESIRE here]. 

Remember,
Breathe the change you wish to see in the world.

Philippa x

MAKING THE ASSUMPTION THAT DEATH IS A BAD THING

Let’s talk about the human condition shall we?

Our organism is wired to survive at all costs. When stressful events happen our biology kicks in to protect our life and save us from danger. Fundamentally we have an animal nature. This is not in dispute.

Biologically you’re wired to survive. Psychologically – you have an opportunity to reflect and view your position on death. It would seem that the preoccupation of the human is death. When, how, under what conditions etc will it happen. So much worry and concern about something that may or may not happen, today, tomorrow or whenever.

Here’s the kicker

At some point in time you’re going to die. We ALL are. I appreciate that may be an unsettling thought, but if you have the courage to face it full on, it will actually set you free. You see humans are continually scanning for danger and creating ‘what if’ scenarios – does anyone suffer from anxiety out there? Hands up…. – I thought so. Anxiety is typically a projection into the future, of some unwanted event.

The mind is a helpful ally but a terrible master. What you focus your attention on grows, and what you resist persists. So the fear of death will create, you guessed it, more fear. And then fear of the fear… and then total overwhelm, meltdown, and shutting yourself in isolation wrapped in cotton wool….or whatever else you do in the face of a global pandemic.

Simply because we make the assumption that death is ‘bad’. Certainly nobody wants to bow out before their allotted time, but it’s pointless worrying about ‘when’ that time might come. By all means get your life insurance in place and make arrangements (like i said it will happen one day…) but don’t allow your very existence to be sullied by the continuous babble of the mind that wishes to create all multitude of disaster scenarios to keep itself occupied.

Like I said we make the assumption that death is bad. I expect because we then no longer get to experience this physical existence with our nearest, dearest, pets and lovers. To hold, touch, and taste the sweet nectar of life.

Worrying about nothing?

However let’s be frank – nobody knows what’s on the other side. So why are we making the assumption that it’s a bad thing, or any worse than the current reality in which we co-exist? Depending on your beliefs you may argue the point that the other side IS known. This is a personal view I share, however you are invited to make up your own mind. I don’t believe consciousness is limited to this physical vessel, and this belief is formed from my direct personal experience.

It’s for each of us to determine for ourselves whether the ‘afterlife’ in whatever guise, fits our narrative. In much the same way that a child in the womb does not know what will come next as they enter into this vastly different physical reality, neither do we. The babe is born and enters this realm – one totally alien and new. We forget that we have each had this experience too.

Making the assumption that death is bad limits our ability to experience and enjoy life. If your fear of death is propelling you to live a more wholesome and fulfilling life, and inviting you to go after your dreams – then great! Keep going! However if your rumination on death and it’s inevitable yet undetermined date of arrival is leading you to anxiety and depression, this is an invitation to start living NOW.

Time to take control

It’s never too late. Accept the unacceptable. Face up to the reality. And instead of cowering in the corner waiting for the day when the grim reaper arrives with his cape and scythe, take your life by the horns and do the things you’ve always wanted to do.

Today is the first day of the rest of your life. You get to choose how you want to live it. Are you waiting for the other shoe to drop? Or are you going to boldly step forward and claim your living?

Remember,
Breathe the change you wish to see in the world.

Philippa x

HOW TO MAKE SENSE IN A MAD WORLD

The ground is continuously shifting under your feet. The goalposts are moving. What was proclaimed ‘fact’ last week has been reclassified this week, and downplayed or hidden by the media. Agendas are being pushed. Increasing levels of chaos abound. You couldn’t keep up if you tried.

It’s fair to say we’re living in a time where our ability to cope with the pace of change is implausible. We’re experiencing what’s known as ‘future shock’, where dramatic and cumulative events overwhelm our ability to process and adapt, leaving us stunned and confused. Not knowing which way to turn. Overwhelmed.

First of all, it’s OK. Take a breath. We’re all in the same boat.

The world is changing and I understand it’s terrifying – like a rollercoaster that you just wish would STOP RIGHT NOW. But we know that’s highly unlikely to happen. A tipping point has been reached and there is no going back.

What matters now is how we go forward. Take a moment to pause and recognise that this IS within your sphere of influence.

Letting go of control

A few years ago I’d have been completely paralysed and overwhelmed by the current situation. [Sidenote: I was a little bit of a control freak, and liked to have things ‘just so’. An ex-boyfriend once refused to cook with me after I insisted on telling him how to chop onions. Poor guy.]

Yet in 2014 that all changed when I detonated a bomb on my neat, tidy, comfortable existence. I intentionally threw everything out of the window – left my corporate job, my apartment, friends and family, to live in a foreign country, learn a new language and start over from scratch. I didn’t realise that’s what I was doing at the time, but the truth is you never know what lies on the other side when you hurl yourself into the abyss. I had the finances, yes, but beyond that I had no other solid ground. I pulled up anchor and cast off for distant shores, with no clue what lay ahead. And guess what….

I survived.

More than that – I completely reinvented myself, overcame my demons and THRIVED. In the midst of uncertainty, chaos and not knowing what was next. Upon releasing the tight grip I had on life, I learned to trust grace to lead the way. To flow and respond to the here and now. Paying attention to what’s in front of me and taking action accordingly. Dancing in the present moment and allowing the next step to be revealed in exactly the timing that’s required.

A path of discovery

I’m not going to lie – there were some pretty rough lessons I learned along the way, and some magical, unreal experiences too. The more I pushed my fear mind out of the way, the more surreal and mystical my life was. I had found breathwork and in doing so, discovered hidden depths within myself that I didn’t know existed. I became one with life, and in turn life became one with me. After all, there is no separation. We just imagine there is.

I expect you’re wondering how I coped, what was my mindset, what actions did I take etc…..Perhaps you want to know how I came to make sense in a mad world. The truth is I didn’t. You can’t. The world IS mad (or certainly chaotic) and you won’t make sense of it. So stop trying. [And no, I don’t mean give up, read on] The only thing for it, therefore, is to MAKE SENSE OF YOURSELF.

This is the secret to what I did, and I now extend the same invitation to you…

Get to know yourself on a deep level. Let go of the past. Become aware of your thoughts and behaviours. Respect your body and form a relationship with it. Align your life with your soul. Support yourself, and in turn you will be strengthened to support others.

Making sense of yourself is the best antidote to a mad world. It’s the one thing you DO have influence over and you can start right this minute.

Take a breath. And another. Another. Deep into your abdomen. Keep going. This is where the answers lie. This is where transformation happens. One breath at a time. This will reveal that you’re magic too. Everything you need is within you, I promise.

Now it’s your turn to breathe and believe. You’ve got this.

Remember,
Breathe the change you wish to see in the world.

Philippa x

CAUSING A STIR

It’s fair to say yesterdays message ruffled a few feathers! Some people reached out to say thank you and share that it woke them up, others were checking if I was okay. LOL. I’m fine!

So, how do I feel about that? Nothing particular, and satisfied at the same time.

Because I’m not here to fit in and make everyone else feel comfortable. We have been playing that game for hundreds (if not thousands of years) and look where it has gotten us…

No. It turns out that I’m here to make people uncomfortable.

The people pleaser or people pusher

Growing up as a conditioned people pleaser makes this laughable and exquisitely awkward if I’m honest. But what good ever came from a comfort zone? It’s a false illusion and one we are painfully now waking up from.

I’m here to make waves. Ruffle feathers. Trigger people. Say things publicly that are usually only said behind closed doors. Bring awareness to unpleasant truths. And ultimately make people uncomfortable. So much so in fact, that they cannot bear it any longer, and they have to move.

They have to do something different, take action, get real.

And the irony is that on the other side of that my work is to make people comfortable. To find ease in the discomfort and move through the layers and blocks holding them back. My work is a paradox and I’m slowly coming to terms with that realisation.

The purpose of pain

Because without pain, there is no movement. Humans are funny creatures and our wiring messes with us. We are much more motivated by pain than pleasure. That’s why marketeers focus on pain points in case you hadn’t noticed. it makes people wake up and take notice. A bit like my email yesterday.

Surprisingly I only had 1 person unsubscribe. So I guess if you’re still here then you get where I’m coming from. The message that comes through me is resonating with you. That’s what it’s about at the end of the day. Energy.

Beneath the words on the surface, my message is a reminder to step into your higher calling. To go after your dreams and quit playing small. To bring your whole self to life and recognise and embody the divinity that you are.

My message is an invitation to listen to your own soul which most of the time is drowned out by the noise and distractions of day to day life. I’m a reminder that you keep forgetting something, and it’s time to remember.

Be true to yourself NOW

A few years ago writing these kind of messages would have scared the hell out of me. The nice girl certainly wanted all and sundry to like and adore her.

That was then and this is now. And more to the point, NOW is the only moment we have.

After today the doors close for good. Will I see you on the inside?

Remember,
Breathe the change you wish to see in the world.

Philippa x

I’VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR BULLSH*T

Do you know what I’m sick of right now? What annoys me and keeps me awake at night? The thing that frustrates me to the very core of my being? People saying they want things change and then doing absolutely NOTHING about it. When the solution is right in front of them. All they need to do is reach out.

Say YES. And proceed…To creating the life and dreams they TRULY desire. [INSERT HAPPY ENDING HERE…]

But no. This is NOT what happens. Instead they [and most likely you too] are interested for a hot minute, before getting distracted by the next shiny object that’s promising to sedate the nagging pain that’s slowly but surely crushing their soul.

Moving on to the next temporary fix and opportunity to bury their head (and soul) in the proverbial sand. La la la la… everything is fine, nothing to see here….And yet…The knowing is still there.

You can’t hide

The discomfort, the pain, the grief, the lack of self belief. The doubt, worry, fear, anger and whatever remains beneath the surface itching to be acknowledged. The dark shadows that lurk around the edges are out of sight but not out of mind.

You’re on edge. Vigilant. Because any moment now the gremlins might stir… Knock knock….[*cowers in corner – for God’s sake don’t answer the door*] Do you want to know the truth?

You’re scared.

Of what might come up. Of discovering you’re a terrible person underneath it all (not likely btw). Of going to the places that frighten you. Of disappearing into the oblivion of your emotions and getting lost there. Most of all? You’re scared of your GOD DAMN SELF. Of who you ARE beneath and beyond all of your bullsh*t stories.

You’re spooked by the brilliance of your soul.

Let’s not sugar coat it. Doing the work is hard. Do you really want to know one of the reasons I don’t actively promote my work? I’m apprehensive to share this with you for fear that you’ll judge me, but it must be done. Because I don’t believe people are as committed as I am to getting over themselves, sitting in the sh*t and coming out the other side with more power and presence. That people would rather dick about with distractions than actually take the steps to heal their emotional traumas. That nobody cares about showing up for themselves once and for all and reclaiming their power, freedom and sovereignty.

In essence that nobody cares, and that very few people are prepared to do the work it takes.

So why should I even bother?!

Ufffff…. {eye roll emoji} Instead I’ll keep a low profile, NOT share the powerful life changing stuff I know will revolutionise peoples lives, and let everyone carry on the merry business of strangling their own soul. CUE *Insert fingers in ears, don my cape of invisibility and pretend I don’t have an important mission here*

ADIOS AMIGOS

And this is partly correct – few people are prepared to do what it takes. But the rest? That’s just my ego talking and none of it is true. Sometimes people need to hear the message over and over until they finally get it and decide to dig in and put in the hard yards that ultimately WILL create the happiness and fulfilment they seek.

So that’s why I’m calling you out.

Because if you’re reading this, you ARE one of those people. One who IS prepared to step out of your comfort zone and create ripples of change in the world. You might not realise it yet but one day you will. And I promise to keep telling you the same thing over and over until you ultimately choose yourself.

Until you choose YOUR SOUL.

Its all down to you

Ain’t nobody else gonna make that decision for you, but I sure as hell will keep on knocking on your door like a cheesy sales woman until you wake up and decide you ARE worthy and ready to claim EVERYTHING that you see inside of you. Because darlin’, the world needs that amazing juju that resides at the very core of you. Guess what – it needs it now more than ever. And you know that you need it too. We ALL do.

So quit messing around and start making decisions that SERVE you. Say YES to your SOUL.

Remember,
Breathe the change you wish to see in the world.

Philippa x

CONFUSING LONGING AND WOUNDING

Deep at the core of every human heart is the desire to connect..

We are highly animalistic in the physical sense and seek solace and comfort in communion with others, be it in romantic or platonic relationships. There is something about touch that soothes the soul. And given the situation we currently find ourselves in, the lack of this lifeblood connection is felt more than ever. Yet we often get mixed up between our longing for connection and our emotional wounds.

The vast majority of us are the walking wounded, and the search for connection is like trying to put a band aid on a bullet wound. It’s just not going to do the job. The wound is too deep, and no amount of sticking plasters are going to fix the gaping void. What is needed is surgery, to remove the bullet, the cause of the wound, and seal up the skin so it can heal.

Recognising your wounds

However if you don’t know you’re wounded, you’re likely to be spraying blood onto everyone and everything you touch, wondering why you’re in pain and why your relationships look like a crime scene from a murder mystery movie. Other people can see the problem a mile off, but you stay stuck because you’re too numb to your own sh*t to recognise the bigger picture.

We can’t change what we can’t see or feel. Living in our own little bubble we create our own stories and illusions in an attempt to maintain control and gain a sense of comfort. It may work for a while, but life has a way of making growth happen, whether you like it or not.

At some level we’re all in pain, just for the most part we’re completely unaware of it. Pain is something that typically we get told to ‘poke up’ with, get on with it, man up and keep trooping on. Our cultures have taken trauma and edified it, turning it to stone and entombing our very life force in the process. You see, the vast majority of us are codependent. We are dysfunctional in relationships.

We are not sovereign, but woven into enmeshed and contorted emotional and energetic connections that corrupt who we really are. Codependent. Not interdependent. And this is a BIG problem which most people are living through but not aware of. I had no idea what that meant until 8 years ago when someone close to me introduced the concept, and the book Facing Codependence by Pia Mellody. And just like that, a whole new can of worms opened up.

Until that point, as far as I was concerned, I was ‘all right’. I considered myself to have my head screwed on, and that I was fairly adept at navigating the world. I had good relationships, plenty of friends, a fantastic job and my life overall was pretty wholesome. When I read the book it was like reading my biography. People pleasing. Poor boundaries. Emotionally sensitive. Manipulation and control. Fear of abandonment. Intense feelings of shame and guilt. The list when on and on.

Breaking through

God damn, ‘this is me’ I thought. Whilst my stomach sank with the realisation, it was also a breakthrough moment. It finally gave me the strength to see a therapist and begin unravelling my convoluted emotional dealings that had unknowingly permeated my existence.

Codependency is sneaky. It’s like one of those untraceable STI’s you get that flies beneath the radar and you don’t know you got a problem until, well, a few other people do too. It makes you think that everything in your life was and is ‘normal’ until, well, all of a sudden it isn’t. Because essentially codependency describes dysfunction in relationship, and guess what, your life is riddled with relationships. Dysfunctional ones at that.

Uuff I appreciate that may sound like a judgment, but I’m pointing the finger firmly at myself too. Until I knew about the phenomenon of codependency I thought all my relationships were healthy and normal. Well now I know they weren’t. Part of me already knew that, but this new knowledge gave me deeper insights and how I needed to heal and change, to make my life actually work for me.
What I realised during my journey is that my life and energy were being directly impacted by those around me, especially my close family relationships.

Playing the codependency game

Everybody is codependent to a greater or lesser extent. It depends on the luck of the draw of the family you were born into, and the amount of healthy emotional coping mechanisms that were present (or not). Unfortunately the majority of our modern cultures do not support or encourage healthy, free and open expression of our wants, needs and feelings. As a result we learn to manipulate and control our reality in order to get our desires met, without asking directly. We become incredibly sensitised to the needs of others around us so that we can meet them, and in turn get rewarded or recognised, and ultimately receive love.

Codependency is born as a result of conditional love. Love that is only given when certain conditions or circumstances are met. Instead of being something that is freely shared, love becomes a currency that may be withheld or provided, depending on the demands and needs of the giver. When children receive this type of conditional love from adults, they learn to comply with, meet and/or anticipate all of the adults needs. When they are successful, bingo, they receive love, praise and acceptance. If they fail to comply, then guess what? Shaming, ignoring, guilt tripping, criticism, anger, and emotional manipulation.

I think you’ll agree that’s a highly toxic cocktail most of us wouldn’t wish to knowingly drink. Yet most family systems have been brewing this foul tasting concoction for centuries. Conditional love is sadly the norm, and hence why we are all codependent. I have compassion for us all because the way I see it, our situation reflects the direct result of generations of emotional repression and collective trauma. When something becomes so normalised it becomes inherent and woven in to the fabric of society. It also forms part of our DNA, and now the science of epigenetic proves it. Hence the reason I thought I was fine, when in actual fact, I wasn’t. I couldn’t for the life of me see the wood from the trees.

Is it longing or connection?

Codependency is where we confuse the longing to be in connection, with our emotional wounds. Our wounds are the delicate places that were created because we never got our needs met when we were children. When love was given conditionally and we moulded ourselves to survive. In order to fill the voids that remain deep inside our child self, we seek something out in the world to plug the gap and soothe our pain and sense of lack. In this moment our inner child is crying out for healing.
Rather than searching in the world for something that can’t be provided, as adults we can give ourselves a precious gift instead. This is the gift of unconditional love. It is the surgery for the bullet wound.

Bringing full attention to our child self and nurturing it as we wished we had been loved. Wiping away the tears and allowing emotions to flow, gently holding ourselves and allowing our cuts to slowly heal so that we can come into genuine connection once more. Firstly by connecting with our own innocent selves, and then from a place of genuine longing and expression, sharing our unique essence with the world.

Healing codependency is a journey to claiming your sovereignty and power.

It can feel overwhelming because you’re disrupting an ancestral pattern and drawing a line in the sand for the next generation. I want you to know that this IS a big deal, and one you should celebrate and thank yourself for taking. Whilst we’re replaying the past, we can’t move forward. We all know that a brighter future requires something different. Making the decision to heal your wounds is a great act of courage and the rewards will be unfathomable. Let’s make the next cultural revolution one that’s driven by love.

Ready to enrol? Sign up now by loving yourself unconditionally. It is not for the faint hearted, but it’s a step in the right direction.

Remember,
Breathe the change you wish to see in the world.

Philippa x