I TOOK THE KNIFE THEY GAVE ME AND I SLIT MY OWN THROAT

Not physically, but metaphorically.
I stopped. I felt the fear. I recoiled and shrunk away. I tiptoed around the issues.
I forgot who I was.
Right then and there, I knew this was part of their plan. I could see clearly what they were doing and I was damned if they weren’t going to win.
Enough of the games. Enough of the manipulation. It is time to overthrow this giant game of power chess by those hidden in the shadows. I see through your tactics and I am not playing ball.
I stopped.
I stopped speaking.
I stopped challenging.
I stopped questioning and having dialogue.
I shrunk away.
I held my tongue.
I questioned my sanity. Which they knew I would. It’s called gaslighting. They wanted to break me. I stopped responding.
I stopped caring.
I stopped doing the things I loved.
I worried about what others thought.
I feared physical attack.
I worried I’d be outcast and die alone.
I hid under the covers, hoping nobody would ever find me.
I made myself so small that no one could ever accuse me of anything at all.
I stopped speaking.
I stopped sharing.
I stopped.......living.
FEAR.
You got me good, real good. You slowly crept up on me whilst my guard was down, as I allowed myself to be bombarded by the lies and deceit. I opened the door and you walked right in.
Just to let you know - you’re welcome here. But you do NOT belong here.

I know you’re here to teach me a lesson. That in actual fact you're fictitious. You only exist if I think you do, and to be honest I’ve wasted way too much of my precious life believing in you.
Our time is done, we are breaking up for good. It’s been quite a journey, one I didn’t enjoy for the most part if I’m totally honest, yet I’m grateful for the experience. Without you, I wouldn’t have learned what the truth is, and why it’s so paramount to speak it.
If I don’t speak it, people don’t know. My soul shrivels and dies. We can’t find each other, we can’t find our way home. The truth is a feeling, something you know deep within. Resonance and dissonance, that is why you exist. I’m choosing resonance, I’m choosing love.
So fear, alas it has come to say good bye.
I’m going to create much more healthy imaginings in the future. Ones that serve my growth, love and highest expression. I’m afraid you’re not on that list - or rather, I’m elated that you’re not on that list.
I’m ready to live my life free from your tyranny and control, squished into a box that’s akin to a black hole. I’m sure you’ll challenge from time to time, I know it’s coming so I’ll be just fine.
Thanks for all the lessons, one, two, three and more....
The time has come to pack your bags and leave through the back door.
I’m free to speak with truth and love, you’ll see in time I’m right. If this is truly dangerous, I’m prepared to give the world a fright.


Remember,
Breathe the change you wish to see in the world.
Philippa xo
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P.S. Are you ready to break up with fear and live life on your terms?
To move beyond your resistance and limitations and go after what you desire? YES?!
Then I’m delighted to invite you to work 1:1 with me and realise your LIBERATION - a 3 month deep dive to reveal your true self. Drop me a message for the details.