Breathworks

One is sovereign self-responsibility, the other is co-dependent addiction.

Firstly, it is nobody’s ‘job’ to make another person feel safe. You either do or you don’t.

It’s very important however to distinguish the driving factors that allow one to feel and experience safety in relationship. 

I speak of this topic as a woman relating to men. However it applies universally regarding fear.

All of us are seeking to resolve our early relationship wounds, whether consciously or unconsciously. One of the largest factors at play is FEAR.

Fear exists within us due to our own distressing, overwhelming or scary experiences from our life, in addition to the conditioned and unresolved fear from our family line. So technically your fear is not all yours (oh the joy!).

I see the topic of feeling safe with a man come up time and time again in coaching, polarity, relationship circles and the online space.

The truth is you can only feel truly safe with a man when you have resolved the reasons inside of you that it feels unsafe in the first place. 

This means that you need to feel and release all fears and judgements (they derive from fear too) that arise in these types of interactions. 

And yep, you guessed it… the vast majority of this stems from your relationship with your father.

It is nobody’s job to make you feel ‘safe’. This is unfortunately why so much war is perpetuated on the planet, to help women avoid their fear and feel safe. Yes, the irony is you can contribute to world peace by feeling and resolving your deepest fears and terrors. No external resources required.

It may seem far fetched but it’s the truth. 

Undoubtedly there are some peoples company that you will feel safer and more resourced around. It is likely that these are the people that are more self aware and perhaps on the healing path. 

However it’s easy to be lulled into a false sense of security by a man who goes out of his way to make sure you feel safe. This is most likely his own emotional injury playing out which desires a woman not to feel discomfort or fear, and unfortunately often silences his own needs and desires by doing so.

Most of the time we are playing out wounds or co-dependent addictions and calling them love.

It is not a man’s job to make women feel safe. It is a woman’s job to do her work so that she feels safe and resourced in the world, period. The same goes for the opposite pole.

By taking ownership and responsibility for our emotions, dealing with them rather than avoiding them, we break free of our own prison and stop unintentionally burdening others with our problems. We also begin to feel safer, naturally.

Needless to say that I’m a woman and very aware of the atrocities that have been perpetuated against my sisters for millennia. This generational conditioning is one of the reasons that it is so difficult for women to speak up, show up and shine in the world, in the way they choose. 

However, the most powerful thing we can do as women is to acknowledge the truth, and also take back our power and responsibility to restore our own emotional health and teach that to the upcoming generations. 

Healing ourselves removes the burden from others to give us the thing that they actually cannot do, leaving us in a loop of co-dependency and helplessness. 

We are the ones that can resolve these generational wounds for good, and I believe that is an amazing opportunity!

So if you’re wondering – what does this look like on a practical level? It starts with identifying all the fears you have and creating opportunities to work with them somatically (ie body based / feeling based) so that they can leave your system and true safety can find its way in.

It sounds easy in theory, but it’s challenging in practice. Feel your fears?! That’s what most people spend their lifetime avoiding, hence it helps to have someone who is familiar with the space to help you navigate through. 

This is the work I do. This is what real freedom feels like.

If you’d like to know how I can support you please get in touch.

Remember,

Breathe the change you wish to see in the world.

Philippa xo

P.S. My new course Breathing Back To You – 4 Weeks to Re-connect with your Soul began 11th July. 

If you’d like to dive in you can catch up with the replays. I’d love for you to join us here.

Most people don’t want to feel ‘better’ they want to feel numb.

It’s a myth that by feeling better, everything in your life will be magically fixed.

(TLDR it won’t.)

Feeling ‘better’ requires feeling.

When you open up to feeling – that means feeling everything – the good, the bad and the ugly. The human soul is designed to be this way.

With feeling comes pleasure, pain and everything in between. We can’t choose to have one and not have the other. It’s an energetic impossibility.

In the same way as suppressing our difficult emotions might hide them away temporarily, it always leads to disconnection and numbness on the other end of the spectrum. That means the joy gets sucked our of life too and we end up in a wasteland of ‘meh’, numb, bored and frozen.  

I’ve been there and done it more times than I care to admit. Do not recommend. Zero stars lol.

Your soul is built to experience the whole entire spectrum of feeling and emotion. It’s just that we have been indoctrinated by society to believe the mind is king. If you’re unfortunately enough to ‘live in your head’, like many of us, then you already know it’s more like a cold, punishing, psychotic tyrant than a considerate and courageous ruler.  Fortunately there is another way.

Living means breathing means feeling. Don’t be afraid of the darkness because it’s where your magic lies. 

Remember,

Breathe the change you wish to see in the world.

Philippa xo

P.S. My new course Breathing Back To You – 4 Weeks to Re-connect with your Soul begins 11th July. 

I’d love for you to join us here.

One reason we spend so much time ‘busy’ and distracting ourselves is to avoid the truth of what is happening in our lives and the reality of what we have created. 

If we took a moment to slow down, tune in and open our eyes to our surroundings and our creations, we might have a moment to ponder if it is really what we desire or not. In that moment we have a huge opportunity for reflection and revelation, or we can avoid it entirely and continue with being busy. 

The thing that usually pulls us away or out of such contemplation is fear. The discomfort of discomfort, and the squirmy uncomfortable feelings which arise with seeing the truth. 

However, just because we choose to avoid looking, doesn’t mean what exists is not real. We can attempt to avoid reality but eventually it will catch up with us.

I’m recognising that one of the reasons I have resistance to journalling, meditation or any form of contemplative practice is fear – and specifically fear of change. Fear of action, and fear of the truth. 

The irony is that the only antidote to fear is truth. So if you want to live a life in alignment with what you actually want you will need to confront your resistance to truth along the way. If you don’t you will remain stuck. If you do, you’ll actually come to the realisation about what you ACTUALLY want to create and begin the first steps.

Resistance is ultimately the avoidance of feeling. The feeling of whatever the truth reveals. And the actions required in response to such revelations. 

Change isn’t easy but it is the natural consequence of being alive in an ever expanding and evolving universe. Humans were never designed to stand still. 

When you seek the truth, you will simultaneously change. 

If you avoid the truth you will stagnate.

Love wants us to expand and flow. Truth is the antidote to fear. The acceptance of truth helps us grow and mature.

Remember,

Breathe the change you wish to see in the world.

Philippa xo

The ‘personality’ we show the world is not the real us. It is a constructed facade that we create to fit into and conform to parental and cultural expectations and demands.

This creates a challenge when we desire to discover and express who we really are. The outside world knows us as something different and may reject us or seek to place us back in the familiar role they believe we occupy.

The truth is most of us don’t know who we really are. We are pretending, hence the prevalence of imposter syndrome. We are waiting to be ‘found out’.

Our true self is very different to the masks we wear. We often have many facets of our false self which we wear with different people and places in our life. One for work, one for our family of origin, another with our partner etc, the list goes on. The differences can be subtle or extreme.

One of our biggest fears is being our true self. The gentle, inspired and loving child that underlies it all. We are terrified that if we show the world who we truly are we will be rejected. The worst part is that we will be rejected  for who we really are. For many this feels akin to death, and is one reason we create a fake persona to begin with – because our early environment DID reject our true nature.

So when you show this trick to the world don’t be surprised when they fall for it. 

There will be resistance when you decide to change and express the real you. It might feel painful and vulnerable at times. 

Yet my feeling is that it’s better to be rejected for who you truly are that be loved for who you are not.

Remember,

Breathe the change you wish to see in the world.

Philippa xo

P.S. If you’d love to re-establish the connection to your true self, I’d love to invite you to the next retreat day on Saturday 23rd April – details here.

O

h my love you played the game again.

Shrunk into your shell and forgot who you are.

A giant memory lapse of the magic and majesty that lies within.

Lost to the swirling currents of shame and doubt.

It’s OK. You need not linger there any longer.

Once again you’ve recognised the trap and begun to climb out.

A binding of your own choosing, based upon the false premise that within powerlessness lies safety.

Dimming your light to avoid potential threat from others is like slitting your own throat.

Dialling down your magnificence to sidestep the discomfort and transformation that ensues in the spotlight.

No more.

The time has come to cast off your childish games and step fully into the fray.

Eyes wide, heart open and full of faith.

You have ventured through the fires of hell to reach this moment.

It’s time to burn the old house down and rise like a phoenix into the new dawn.

Step forward into the deepest dreamings of your heart and soul.

It is time.

Remember
Breathe the change you wish to see in the world.

Philippa xo

B

ut there’s one place that it’s deadly to let fear enter.

Your heart.

Good people do bad things when fear enters their heart.

Fear and anger turns people into serial killers, rapists and all manner of destructive beings.

Fear corrupts the intuitive knowing of the soul. It creates barriers between people,  creating ‘us’ and ‘them’.

A fearful heart is a divided heart. A divided heart is a cold heart. A cold heart is a closed heart. And a closed heart is a dangerous thing.

The good news is that an antidote exists. However it’s a rare precious substance that is increasingly difficult to come by these days.

The antidote to fear is truth.

Truth dissolves all falsity leaving a pristine knowing.

It moves beyond the mind and touches the most tender parts of the soul.

But just to clarify, I’m not talking about just any old ‘brand’ of truth.

I’m referring to God’s truth.

The truth which can’t be ‘bought’ in stores, but is freely available to every person in all of existence.

The truth that REALLY sets you free.

So “how do I get hold of some of this magical truth?” you say….

Quite simply.

By asking.

With a genuine longing – a passionate feeling of desire in your heart. Those who are sincere will be gifted the truth every time.

The power was yours all along. It’s time to reclaim it.

Remember
Breathe the change you wish to see in the world.

Philippa xo

If you would like support to overcome your fears please reach out.

It’s time to stop fearing and start living.

A

common misconception when people come and find me and engage in my work is that I’m going to make them feel ‘better’. Let’s bust that myth right now. I’m not.

Firstly not because that’s not what the work I do results in. It actually does. More so that firstly I cannot ‘heal’ anyone or ‘do it for you’ if you don’t actually want a change for yourself.

Ultimately you have free will and get to choose if you stick or twist. Free yourself or dive further into discomfort. Nobody else. Others might have created the conditions where you are in some way traumatised or hurt, but you are the only person that can now resolve that and reclaim your life.

Please take this as a positive thing. It means ultimately that you’re in control of your destiny and not reliant on outside sources for your happiness. It is definitely helpful to seek external support, in fact for many it is highly beneficial and necessary. Especially when we are speaking of deep trauma the most effective way to begin unravelling it is with a trusted person by your side. When you get stuck, confused or overwhelmed they are there as a lighthouse to guide you back to the resources you already have within. Especially when it gets messy, because it does.

Many people are seeking relief from their symptoms, yet unaware that in order to heal and become healthier they will be required to change.

I listened to a talk about emotional release last week and the presenter made a great point. They shared a client asked how many sessions they would need to start feeling better. His reply was this – it’s not about the number of sessions but how willing you are to take difficult actions in your life. Essentially to change the toxic environment that you’re living in. All the healing in the world will bring you back to ground zero if you’re not prepared to change your circumstances. I don’t mean moving to the other side of the world and living in a cave whilst you figure things out. Some people might need that but what I’m referring to is – leaving a toxic relationship, having a difficult discussion with a family member, changing your job, engaging in an exercise routine, cutting addictive substances out of your life.

Healing and health is both an inside and an outside job. If a plant is not thriving we don’t blame the plant! We change the soil, water, position etc. That’s to say we change the environment. With humans this is slightly more complex as we have both our inner and outer environment. The outer is a reflection of what is going on within you at some level. Much of our inner environment is restrictive and not really reflective of our truest nature. This includes our deepest beliefs, thoughts,  self image, traumas and negative experiences. It also includes all the emotions we are not willing, able or prepared to feel and release. Hence they remain bottled up beneath the surface like a bomb waiting to go off. It might be an unwitting passerby that’s on the receiving end, or it might be detonated and aimed at yourself (i.e. self criticism, judgement, toxic shame).

Almost every human on the planet has this bomb inside of them. The older you are, the bigger it tends to be. This is because humans are fundamentally ‘feeling’ beings. We are having an experience, we feel e-motions – energy in motion. Can you accurately describe in words to another person how you feel right now? No. Language is not sufficiently complex to describe our feeling sense. Only we know what is going on inside. Many of us have become numb to emotion, believing this is a good thing. Actually it’s not. Being numb to emotion is actually being numb to life. If you shut down your feelings, good or bad, you are suppressing your very life force energy. You are suppressing your soul. That never ends well.

The reality is that the majority of people are suppressing their soul and believe it’s normal to do so. Numb is not normal.

Living a full and vital life REQUIRES feeling. Feeling everything, not feeling nothing. Wondering why you feel half dead? It’s for this reason. Shut down. You might be physically alive but you’re marching one day at a time closer towards death. Depression is the final phase of shut down. It’s a signal that all of your energy is going into repressing who you really are. And who did you learn that from? For the most part your parents. Your feelings and emotions were too ‘big’ and they weren’t allowed, so they got shut down. Then you ingrained that behaviour into yourself because, well, that’s how life works.

Unfortunately life simply DOES NOT WORK THIS WAY.

Feeling numb, detached, ‘ok’ is not how we are designed to live. We are gifted the entire range of emotions by creation. Our bandwidth is unlimited but we have chosen to live  in a microcosm, and most of those ‘chosen’ emotions are not really the ones we want!

Do you want depression, sadness, grief, pain, imposter syndrome, fear, doubt, anxiety, hopelessness, apathy, panic, numb as your regular life experience?

I’m guessing not, but that’s where most people are calibrated to and it saddens me. The more unwilling we are to feel, the more pain we will experience. It’s a vicious cycle that my work is here to break.

We either live in our past (and old emotions) on a daily basis and wonder why we are in so much pain or lacking fulfilment, or we begin to address the root cause.

Yet resolving emotional baggage does not mean you’ll feel ‘better’. It means you will get better at feeling. Through that process, incidentally, you WILL feel better. However the only way out is through. You take one step towards what you desire and it will take one step towards you.

Through millennia of cultural conditioning we have been misled about what the human experience entails. We are not automatons but living, breathing, feeling beings. Love is a feeling. How can I know and experience it if I cannot feel? Desire is a feeling – how can I know what I really want to do if I’m numb? Short answer is – you can’t.

Emotions are the navigation system of life. Isn’t it time you turned on the GPS of the real you? 

Remember
Breathe the change you wish to see in the world.

Philippa xo

Please reach out if you’d like some 1:1 support.