Whilst this may seem like a joke, it opens the door to an interesting and important subject. Masculinity. What is it? Who is it? Why does it matter? I believe the work is this - how can we better understand each gender and bring them together into alliance rather than at war?
The title quote comes from the brilliant book the Queen's Code by Allison Armstrong. A book I enjoyed a few years ago that gave me a much deeper understanding of the male psyche than I bargained for. What I took away was this - despite being from the same species - men and women are fundamentally different. Both in terms of biology, mentality and energy. Ladies, if you thought your man was a different version of you wearing hobnail boots and a tool belt you’re dead wrong (as you probably already know ;) )
What does 'masculine' even mean?
To be clear when I speak of masculinity I’m referring to both the archetypal energy of the masculine as well as those who are in a male body. We both have masculine and feminine energies, and yet when I look around I perceive that the masculine is being vilified culturally as the ‘bad guy’ (patriarchy et al) when actually as women, we are also failing to claim our masculine essence. This is the interesting part. Claiming our masculine essence. What does that mean and why is it important?
Whatever we judge on the outside, we have yet to claim within us. We all have limited perception and experience. Being a woman in a female body I have zero physical experience of being a man. How can I know what that’s like? The same for a man, having not been born into female form, he is flying blind when it comes to the opposite sex.
It’s not until you start consciously stepping into the other’s shoes, that you begin to understand how this energy naturally expresses itself in the world. As you may know, I’ve been diving deep with the archetype of the divine dark masculine over the last 6 weeks with the incredible Tyran Mowbray and Mia Mor (plus a load of other badass women and more recently, men) to discover for myself what I’m missing when it comes to understanding men, and learn how to embody a healthy version of the dark masculine energy for myself. Quite frankly it has been deeply moving and revelatory.
Why does it matter?
My intention was to reclaim the projections I was putting onto men of different varieties - whether that was fear of their power, judgement around their behaviour or expecting them to rescue me. The universe didn’t disappoint. The masculine is matter. It is the physical flesh and bones of the universe. It is pure creation, momentum and action.
It is the energy that wants to go out and penetrate the world, give all it’s got, charge forth and conquer every challenge. It is passionate and emotionally charged. It wants to f*ck the world. I don’t mean this in a sexual way, although that can be one manifestation of the masculine energy. It wants to give LOVE, to provide and be purposeful. It wants to build, generate, and create. It is active, vibrant and alive. In essence, it is pure and innocent life force energy.
And yet it is so deeply shamed and petrified to be seen in the world. Typically the acts of destruction, torture and horror we see evidenced in the world are a result of imbalanced masculine energy. One that is deeply repressed and unhealthily expressed, or is disconnected from the feminine polarity. When disconnected from the female aspects of intuition and softness, this energy may be perceived as threatening or destructive.
The masculine is direct. Like it or not, he stands for truth. When solidly in his power he will fight all day long for what is right and just. But he can’t do that whilst society is continually pulling him down, fearful of the truth and the power of his penetration.
What’s the solution? Where do we start?
This is applicable to both men and women. Penetrate your own bullsh*t - where are you not showing up in your life? Where are you passing off responsibility to someone/something else for your problems? What are you unwilling to look at? Where are you blaming and shaming others? What are you judging outside of you that takes away your power?
Ask yourself where you’re penetrating without consent - Are you sticking your nose into other peoples business? Are you forcing something before it’s ready? Where are you taking away someone else power?
One for the women - make yourself a fake penis and wear it for a few hours or even a day. See what it actually feels like, notice what arises for you. Stick a banana or whatever down your pants. You might laugh now, but for something so simple you’ll be amazed at what you learn.
One for the men - learn what it’s like to be penetrated. Guys also have a one-sided experience of life, so if you really want to understand women better, and the vulnerability and trust required by a woman to open up to a man sexually for example - this is the fastest way to find out. Sticking a finger up your bum might not be the ‘go-to’ topic of conversation in the pub, but in ancient texts is considered something on the path to enlightenment. Not all roads lead where you might think!
Lets speak openly
And finally - speak to your male and female friends/lovers/brothers/sisters about this topic. It’s time to come together and actually understand each other, instead of fighting over who is right and wrong. I cannot tell you the number of people who’ve been fascinated by my journey with this topic. Sharing my insights with my close male friends has been revelatory and really helped me to gain a deeper embodied understanding of men and most importantly - the innocence of men's beautiful courageous hearts.
The judgements, limitations and fears you hold are the places to look to unearth your part in this puzzle. These hold the most pain and shadow. When you start digging you’ll realise this unease can and will be turned into gold. If what I’m sharing makes you uncomfortable, this is a sure-fire sign to dive deep into this topic.
I’m sharing my experience because I believe the solution is to reclaim and balance these energies within ourselves. Women - when you can claim your divine dark masculine essence - you will no longer fear the world or anything in it. Yet, we must avoid moving from the oppressed to the oppressor in an overzealous attempt to reclaim our power. It is only in unison and union with the masculine that we can truly rise. In partnership and in power. In the words of Tyran Mowbray - men have hearts too and love always wins.
Breathe the change you wish to see in the world.