And I’m not alone.
Most of the human population feel the same way, they just don’t know it. We live in a world built on fakery, façade and ego. None of it is real. Virtually none of it is true, and certainly not loving.
This is why we are petrified. We are so far removed from the truth that to get even a glimpse of it shakes us to our bones.
The thought of dropping all our defences, of being the full expression of love that we are, is akin to a dream where you go to school naked. We have all had that one. You feel completely exposed, vulnerable and raw. Much like our true nature - pure and innocent.
I don’t blame or judge myself or us. We are dealing with the conditioning that we came into. Wars, conflict, emotional suppression, division, famine, abuse and all manner of destructive inversions. We are doing our best to survive in a chaotic painful world.
I’m beginning to ask the question of how things can be different. How can we be our true selves? How can we sit with our vulnerability and not dissolve into an overwhelmed mess when we open the door to show who we truly are?
Or is that the point?
Perhaps all of these walls we have built are meant to come crumbling down. The destruction is supposed to crack us open to reveal the treasure inside.
There is goodness inside of you. This much I know is true. It’s time to let it come out.
You do however have free will, as do I.
By choosing to be your true self your world will change undeniably, and you might perceive that as a threat. The reality is that whatever is false will drop away. It is likely to be painful, emotional and challenging. This is why I’m terrified.
I know what it means and my human self wants to resist feeling. ANYTHING BUT FEELING. Deep down however, I know that through feeling lies true freedom. Being 100% my true, loving self is freedom. Is peace. Is fulfilment, joy and happiness. This is my desired destination.
The true self wears its heart on its sleeve. It is transparent, loving and kind. It takes action. It celebrates. It does what is right, not what is easy. It lives in honesty and integrity. It loves and cares. It reveals, collaborates and honours life. It dances and shakes. Ultimately it loves, but not as humans currently know love.
That’s why I’m terrified of being my true self. Perhaps you are too?
Because when I love, so totally and freely, when I put myself out in the world for everyone to see and feel, what is going to happen?
Will I be rejected? Judged? Criticised? Humiliated?
Will I be laughed at? Outcast? Ridiculed? Ignored?
The truth is, probably all of those things and more. Because humans don’t know real love. They think they do (I thought I did) but we don’t. This false matrix does not promote love, it inverts and corrupts it. This is why being it is so scary. We don’t know what might happen.
Yet it’s not a valid reason to shy away and hide yourself. What is more painful, not being your true self, or the fear of what others might think if you do?
Fear shouldn’t be the reason not to act. That is cowardice.
Courage takes heart. It requires love. To love beyond the fear and limitation, and to dare to be all of you. In every moment. Starting right now.
It’s not going to be an easy ride, there are bound to be bumps in the road. But it’s the open road to freedom I’m choosing to drive, and not the fear bound dead end society is headed down.
I’m willing to be terrified and do it anyway. How about you?
Breathe the change you wish to see in the world.
If you’re ready to feel the fear and do it anyway ask me about my 1:1 Journey - LIBERATION